Apparently, I have MUG written on my forehead!!

[bright sparks]

Okay so my turn to vent. Its kind of bittersweet as I am to nice to my daycare parents and then they walk all over me.....

I had a dcb dropped off this morning and his father said he didnt know whether he would be picking up or the dcb's grandfather as the soccer match was on but one of them would. Okay, whatever. Whatever you do with your day is fine and you've forewarned me so no biggy. Dad then calls me 15 minutes before pick up to say he's been held up and will be 5 minutes late picking up. He finally showed up 20 minutes late, footie shirt on and pouting and whining cause his team lost.

Maybe you are thinking, get over yourself, but seriously you are going to collect your son late because you are busy having a few beers watching the bloody soccer game. Thanks a frickin bunch!!!

I'm just so frustrated with people clearing having such little regard for me that they don't give it a second thought to being late, as though I havent got a family of my own that I need to tend to. This is the same father who new we were starting toilet training today but was clearly not going to be inconvenienced to do it by dropping his son off in a diaper.

Oh and did I mention that their drop off was 9:15 and when mum got a new job with different days every week she said she would need occasional drop off at 8:15 but proceeded to drop him off at this time even on her days off without discussing it with me. I pulled her on it and she said she wanted to be consistant with drop off times which makes sense but didn't feel the need to discuss it with me, cause really, why would she???!!!

I know these are minor things but I really feel like this family are taking these little liberties with me and now they are increasing because I let things slide. Oh, when will I learn.....

[Inspired by Reggio]

Nope vent away - IMO these are NOT MINOR things Brights .... the root of these things is LACK OF RESPECT FOR YOU and that is a MAJOR issue!

Seriously ... soccer dad would have owed me $20 in late fees for being 'late' with no, by my definition, valid reason ... I only waive my late fee if you've been in a car accident, family emergency where someone is in the hospital, wife went into labor right before pick up, etc TRUE EMERGENCY and even then you have to CALL to notify me before your pick up time ... sorry but a clients lack of PLANNING does not constitute an emergency for me - you pay me OVERTIME for caring for your child and you get a STRIKE against you on the late fee clause - because under late fees in my contract it clearly states - repeated lateness outside your contracted hours WILL result in termination of your contract!

honestly we have LIVES outside of childcare ... what if you had a meeting tonight, an appointment, your own family emergency and you cannot 'deal' with that because you are stuck working late because some asshat things SOCCER is more important than his CHILD? Sorry that is a huge variance from my 'philosophy for childcare' and the priority children should play in our lives - I do not care what you do at HOME as long as it does not affect ME and MY PROGRAM!

Want to 'change' contracted hours on a permanent basis to be 'consistent' would have resulted in a new contract needing to be signed - what if you were 'sharing' that space with a school ager 'before school' and that sudden 8:15 drop off meant that you would be over ratio? Clients do not get to just CHANGE their hours of service because we have to maintain our ratios at ALL TIMES!

Sorry but none of those issues seem minor to me and would have got a client who tried that in my program a stern 'talking too' with my ole business hat on - this is my business and I have a contract for service for a REASON - follow it or find someone else to provide your service!

[samantha3]

Reggio nailed it! When I first started I had a hard time standing up for myself, but once I started to it felt really good! The one thing is I wish I had started doing it earlier as what you do in the beginning sets a 'norm' for what parents feel they can 'get away with'.

Nip it in the butt! Send an email out, change your policy if you dont already have one and make sure that there is mutual respect between yourself and families happening.

I wish you the best of luck! You can do it :)

[apples and bananas]

I think we get so frustrated with late pick ups for personal reasons because we chose to stay home with our kids. We have made the choice to put our kids first and be with them as much as we can. It's so frustrating when someone doesn't want that time with their kids.

At the end of the day, the late is what we should be frustrated with, not the reason behind it. Most of us have worked outside of the house at some point, our kids are important, we need to be there at the right time.

All the best dealing with this. I know it's hard to tell someone that they're wrong. Just still to the late, and not focus on the reason behind it. It's not our job to teach them how to parent, just to stick to our policies.

[Momof4]

Oh, I'm with you! I have a dcDad who always drops his son off wearing a suit for work but by the time he picks up his son he has obviously been home because he's wearing comfy shorts & tshirt. Why oh why can't he pick up his son first? Because he wants to use 8 1/2 hours I guess since my limit is 9 hours.

Usually I don't care what the parents are doing as long as they tell me how to contact them in case of an emergency. I want to know if they aren't going to be at work just like I always tell them where we will be because I believe the parents should know the location of their children every day. But on Mondays & Fridays I only have 2 girls who are both picked up at 3:30 and then this boy with the Dad who could obviously pick him up earlier but leaves him here an hour by himself until 4:30. It just grinds my gears and I know what you're talking about.

[Inspired by Reggio]

... At the end of the day, the late is what we should be frustrated with, not the reason behind it....

I admit that the reason given here would increase my 'lack of tolerance' for being late and therefore my approach to the client - for me being late due to an emergency beyond your control would get you some empathy/slack for being late ... being late for the above reason would get you a stiff late fee and the black mark because it was EXTRA DISRESPECTFUL not only to me but to their child to leave them wondering/stressed over something as stupid as a soccer game! a

To be honest - I am self employed and do not want to work with people who do not share my VALUES because well nice thing about being self employed I do not have to anymore ... so in this case the WHY they were late is hugely relevant to me cause it is about VALUE ... they do not value ME or MY TIME to think I should just accepting having to work 20 minutes past my already long work day and they do not value their CHILD'S FEELINGS to think it is ok to leave them there an extended day and upset his 'routine' specially when they are claiming to send him EARLY when not needed because 'consistent routine' is important to them - so which is the truth? :(

I agree that parents have all sorts of varied values and believes and thats OK it is what makes the world a unique place .... for the most part I can turn a blind eye to that as long as it does not affect ME but when those choices start having a negative impact on me or my program well than we stop being a 'match' for service ... I had to work for decades with clients in centre care whose treatment of their children made my skin crawl and ebbed away at my passion for what I do cause my heart was breaking and my soul was dying and I was starting to see the world as an evil place ... I will not do that anymore specially in my own HOME .... life is just too short to work for or with people who suck the life out of you and make you miserable!

[Mamma_Mia]

Oh, I have a dcDad who always drops his son off wearing a suit for work but by the time he picks up his son he has obviously been home because he's wearing comfy shorts & tshirt. Why oh why can't he pick up his son first? .

I have the same, dcg's dad works in construction and we agreed one day a week was a late pickup due to mom's work schedule and dads timing to get here.....my husband is also in construction and they for the most part get off work at an eariler time due to the earlier start. So when dcg is here until 6pm and dad comes in all dresses in shorts and his R.L.Polo's and the dog in the car, right!? WTF

[apples and bananas]

I have a mom who works from home. She drops the kids off in her sweats and slippers and picks them up in different sweats and slippers. The odd time she comes dressed as if she came from a meeting. But she always has stories about the great deal she got at the store she went to that day, or the great sale at the grocery store... or the new hair colour she showed up with at drop off. It certainly makes you feel taken advantage of. She's usually on time, but she certainly pushes the limits some days. So, since she doesn't have a lot of concern for my time, I find that I don't have a lot of concern for hers. I don't hesitate about closing early if my other kids are being picked up early, or taking a day off for an appointment ect.

[Play and Learn]

Well, Reggio is so right! There would be NO WAY IN HELL that they could get away with that with me. That's 2 strikes out of 3, and they would know it.

You tell me that either gf or dad is picking up, and you warn me that you're going to be about 5 min late, and then turn up 20 min late?! Ummm....do you NOT want to spend time with your child. They would have received an earful from me. AND....they would need to pay the late fees at drop-off in the next morning of care, or no care for the day until those fees are paid.

Then for the mom that decides when she gets to drop off? Umm....no, that's NOT your scheduled drop-off. That would also not work here, because i have school-agers in the morning before others come for the day. So right now I'm 'full' in numbers and then school-ager will get on the bus at 8:40, and then the other child will come after 9 a.m. If that mom decided to drop-off at 8:15 without me knowing, I wouldn't be able to take her child in until after the other one left.

You have to be the boss of your business. YOU'RE letting this family USE YOU. Wake up, and be the boss.

[mimi]

Sometimes the minor things can pile up. I have some parents that do a 15 second drop off - no time to chat- then arrive at closing and then they have all the time to chat about themselves - on my time. Also, -now you've got me going lol, I give my kids birthday and Christmas presents as I think they are great. I spend about 20.00 on each child. I have yet, in 6 years been thanked by a parent. When I prompt them by asking if Johnny liked his truck, I get a blank stare and then a lame thanks. These examples are just to let you know you are not alone my dear. I think though, in any business which deals with the public directly, there will be alot of examples of rude behavior. People are too self involved to be considerate. Hope you have a good day!

[michellesmunchkins]

Sometimes the minor things can pile up. I have some parents that do a 15 second drop off - no time to chat- then arrive at closing and then they have all the time to chat about themselves - on my time. Also, -now you've got me going lol, I give my kids birthday and Christmas presents as I think they are great. I spend about 20.00 on each child. I have yet, in 6 years been thanked by a parent. When I prompt them by asking if Johnny liked his truck, I get a blank stare and then a lame thanks. These examples are just to let you know you are not alone my dear. I think though, in any business which deals with the public directly, there will be alot of examples of rude behavior. People are too self involved to be considerate. Hope you have a good day!

Agree totally with what you said about gifts and not getting even a thank you. I've stopped spending MY money on things like that now. Those are out of pocket expenses that deserve at least a simple thank you. Same for mother's and father's day. I used to spend a fortune doing awesome crafts and gifts for the kids to give only to find them smashed in pieces in the bottom of the diaper bag, or dropped down my driveway on their way home...they didn't appreciate them, so I stopped doing them. Sad that it comes to that.

I have such a hard time being 'mean' and making the parents stick to my rules..but...it has to change because they just walk all over you when you don't and then you start to resent them and it makes you not want to get up and do your job. The days are already long enough that if you don't want to get up and work it makes it even harder.

This very minute I"m writing up an email to all my families to remind them of the rules (had a parent text 2 hours AFTER their scheduled drop off time to say they decided to stay home with dck today...and the rest of us have sat here inside all morning waiting for her to be dropped off) the little things like that add up so fast...

[Inspired by Reggio]

Empathy ladies - this is why my client handbook has evolved to be 18 pages long ... because of all those little 'minor details' that make my day run smooth needing to be ironed out before they start care to avoid conflict in care!

I like my crew here by 9am ... if you are going to be late or have an appointment you prearrange that before hand or you risk that you arrive to an empty house - the other 4 children do not deserve to be left 'waiting' on someone who has not bothered to call and give a heads up they slept in or that they have an appointment or so forth ASAP before your normal drop off time ... them being late is NOT MY PROBLEM and should not have a negative impact on the others in the program. I have a cellphone and clients can find us if they show up late - does not take that happening more than once and THEM being even later in turn for them to GET IT that respect is a two way street - had you had the respect to CALL I would have had the respect to either wait if this is a 'rare' thing for that client or let you know where to find us so you could drive straight there if you make a habit of 'being late' for morning drop off cause well even if you call I am not going to stop my program for you constantly - you get one freebie once in a blue moon ;)

I also agree about the 'small above and beyond' things we do often going unappreciated by clients .. I prefer to remind myself that I do not do those things for the ADULTS I do them for the CHILD ... I only do gifts when it is a seasonal thing that everyone is getting so no child is left out - so do not do 'birthday' gifts their party here is my 'gift' but with Xmas, Valentines, Easter, Halloween if I give the crew a 'special something' to celebrate I get the thank you right away from the CHILD at least cause we open it HERE and well they are 'taught' to say thank you in my program .... if the parent does not also say 'thank you' well it is a shame their parent raised them up to be rude but at least we might be breaking the cycle with their children ;)

With Mother's Day and Fathers Day and so forth again making those things with the children is about the 'process' for me not the end result for the parent ... the joy and excitement of the child to be creating a 'gift' for their parent and the look on their face when they give them that at pick up ... what happens to it after they leave here and if the parent appreciates it is well just 'bonus'.... all of my clients to date have always been very 'appreciative' so I am lucky ... although I do have one client enrolled whose kid has broken everything that has been sent home but I still do them with their child because it was a 'gift' and well it is theirs to do with what they want if they see more value in allowing the kid to 'play with it' than keeping it as a keepsake that is their choice ... I try to keep my gifts to under $5/child in materials and they would replace any normal creative art we do each week so it is not costing me 'more' to do presents for the parents it is just 'redirecting' my creative art budget to a gift with purpose opposed to open ended exploration ;)

[11 years experience]

WOW!! are you sure you're not in my daycare cause that sounds ALOT like most of my parents.

what I do is send out a monthly letter to all parents. For what ever reason comes up that month.
i.e if your having problems with a parents with pickup time. Just send a letter out (not directed to 1 parent) but rather to everyone to say that you would prefer for all kids being there no later then 8:00 am so everyone can be on the same scehdule (YOURS) also put in the letter how much you appriciate everyone cooperation, bla bal bla...
and for drop off I never assume parents will be on time (cause lets face it---there NOT) I assume that they will be picking up by 5:15pm (my closeing) and when a certain parents is late 3,4,5,6 times (lol) i send out this reminder letter about MY closing time...

[sunnydays]

Oh I love this vent! I also have a family who, although they are never late, use all of their time when I know the mom gets of work at 3:15 and goes home to cook dinner before they come to get the kids. Their kids are the first to arrive in the morning and the last to leave in the evening. I have given them notice that their pick-up time is changing from 5:30 to 5pm as of September (everyone else picks up by 5) and they complained a bit, but said they will do it. I always remind myself that I did it to myself by setting my hours the way I did, but I relaly don't think I would mind so much if I knew that they couldn't get here before 5:30 due to work...knowing that they are at home or out having a coffee etc is hard...especially when they other kids leave and these little ones start clinging to me and asking for mama :( It makes me sad to to think that they go home eat dinner and go to bed...spending all of an hour with their parents. They are lovely, sweet boys, but tend to be clingy and I think this is the reason. In future, I will stick to hours I can handle even if I know the parents are doing their own thing...that way I won't feel like this! By the way...20 minutes late because of a soccer game ?!!!! I would definitely be charging late fees for that!

[bright sparks]

WOW!! are you sure you're not in my daycare cause that sounds ALOT like most of my parents.

what I do is send out a monthly letter to all parents. For what ever reason comes up that month.
i.e if your having problems with a parents with pickup time. Just send a letter out (not directed to 1 parent) but rather to everyone to say that you would prefer for all kids being there no later then 8:00 am so everyone can be on the same scehdule (YOURS) also put in the letter how much you appriciate everyone cooperation, bla bal bla...
and for drop off I never assume parents will be on time (cause lets face it---there NOT) I assume that they will be picking up by 5:15pm (my closeing) and when a certain parents is late 3,4,5,6 times (lol) i send out this reminder letter about MY closing time...

IMO and IME this doesn't work. This was always my approach, not wanting to offend people or cause an unpleasent atmosphere with the parents but I'm just realizing that by doing this, I am part of the problem. If it isn't dealt with, by the book with my policies and consequences stated in my contract being enforced the first time, then I'm in effect causing it to go on. Bear in mind, lol, this is an area I am having HUGE struggles with, as all of my issues surrounding this kind of thing are with families who are repeat multiple offenders who Ive had for close to 2 years, so its easier said than done changing this passive way of functioning along with the need to please people. Not good at all. I am however trying to break this by not being as passive about it anymore and changing my ways. Its funny how myself, and you 11 years.... and so many other providers don't seem to want to upset these parents when they clearly have a complete disregard for our feelings, our business and our home life when they pick up late and don't give a rats arse about it. I shouldn't have to send reminders out left right and centre, especially repeatedly. If they were able to comprehend my contract when they signed up for my services, they are clearly smart enough to understand and retain information, so it's got nothing to do with, not having the capacity to retain this info, they are simply, not respectful people IMO.

OOooo, I should definitley work on practising what I preach LOL I seem to know it all, but can't put any of it in to place haha. I'm working on it ladies and I will let you know how I get on.

[Judy Trickett]

The late pick up - he would get immediately terminated if he picked up late when he was OFF work and enjoying leisure pursuits on MY TIME. It is ONE thing to be stuck in a traffic jam due to an unforseen accident (and even then you only get a ONE STRIKE thing from me) but quite another to be at a bar while your kids sits in daycare after closing time.

You know what I am gonna say................. .............NEXT!