Do I terminate right away?

[Skysue]

Hi ladies,

I have a new 2-year-old child in my care; she has been here for 2 weeks. I have found her to be a handful, quite aggressive in fact. He parents told me she has never been in care.

She has started pushing, hitting, taking toys & throwing things. She won’t sit on time outs so I have been putting her in her playpen in the nap room for time outs. I tried a playpen on the main level and she rocks it across the floor.

When I told her Mom about her pushing the babies she said she hasn’t acted like this before. Foe me I figured its all new for her sharing etc…

Well today her Aunt came to pick her up and she told me a wealth of information. She told me she is a very aggressive child and that she doesn’t like her playing with her 3 year old boy as she hits him all the time and even hit him in the head causing his skin to split were you could seen bone.

I am shaking in anger right now and feel betrayed.

Over all she is a very bright little girl who loves to learn. Do I suggest Montessori school and say goodbye?

I didn’t have her this morning and it was sooooooooo nice and quite.

I think I know the answer but hate being in this position!

[playfelt]

Guessing there isn't much discipline going on at home nor parents taking the adult role for that matter. In fairness to the parents lying so you don't turf the child is very normal behavioiur. Just like a kid they will lie when called up on the carpet because it speaks to their parenting abilities. But now that you know the truth you have two options. One is to let her go and the other is to ride her into submission, give her perameters and you might get a very cooperative child in the end. Two weeks isnt' long enough to see progress. I would be using my loud stern voice, making the child sit in the room we are in - not getting away with goign to a different room - just sitting at my feet till I say otherwise. It will take some being physical to let her know you mean what you say so if she gets up she is sat down again. The tone of voice has to match the severity so she will learn when you use that voice that she has overstepped. I probably would let the parents know that you are considering termination unless they also work with the child to control her anger. Do not let on you know that yes she does act this way at home. Then give it another two weeks and if at the end of that there is no improvement then time for her to become someone else's problem yes such as a centre where there are more adults so one of them can shadow her better.

[zen39]

I think playfelt offered great advice. Let the parent know that you'll give this a few more weeks to see if this little girl can adapt to your home and follow your rules, but that the parent needs to be firm at home as well. But if it continues, you would have to terminate.

I had a little one that was 2 who was a biter. I explained to the parents, that I would give it two weeks and that they needed to address this at home firmly too. Timeouts are difficult at this age, so what I would do is make them sit next to me. If she had a toy at the time, I would not let her have it. Talk firmly. I also spent those two weeks each and everyday with them at story time, we would sit side by side and talk about being gentle. Then we would take our hand and lightly touch the one sitting next to us, quietly saying gentle. Every now and then, say to the girl when she is near the others, gentle...as a reminder.

Good luck.

[Sandbox Sally]

I wouldn't terminate this quickly because of the behaviour, but I would deffo call the parents on what you have learned vs what they have been telling you. Stress how important open communication between caregiver and parent is, and give them another chance. I think playfellt's idea of keeping on top of her behaviours will likely work if given a little time.

Just curious - why would you suggest Montessori? Do you equate it with children with behaviour issues?

[FS2011]

I have been here before, still am. I chose to terminate in this type of situation and kind of regret it now. The child was improving towards the end of our time together and the bonds we had were obviously broken because he is now gone. The stress and frustrating I felt pushed me over the edge and I terminated. Now I have another one in this stage and I have realized some just go through this. Even my own daughter has started and I know how consistent and stern I am with her, but she's a fire ball of energy. I'd wait it out, as hard as it is unless you feel you can't cope. That's not good for anyone. Explain to the parents what your seeing, tell then when it's been a hard day, what needs working on etc. For us, discipline is coming down to the child's level and in a stern voice saying no hitting, use gentle hands, we don't push etc etc. I always have them say sorry. I also try and give them the words for the situation. I don't use time outs, they never work. I do use "breaks" if the child is on a tail spin, I will explain why I think they need a break...your hot, running around, you are getting excited and hurting others...I think it's best you cool down over here for a bit. I might get the child to put their head in their arms and rest at the table, play puzzles quietly etc. I think it's best to direct them to positive, obedient choices but to realize they are toddlers and this is normal development. As hard as it is!! Good luck!!

[Skysue]

I'm not sure ladies?

I never mentioned the sister chatting with me yesterday but at pick up it was the sister again and she told me her sister (the Mom) laughed when she told her about the behavior? I have never been a parent of an aggressive child but I do know I would never laugh if it were my child? She said today (the child) that she wanted to poke the baby’s eye? I was happy she said her words before acting on them as I corrected it right there and then.

I'm just not feeling like the parents are on the right page.

I would recommend Montessori school due to its strict structure and approach to learning based on the child needs. My neighbor who was a teacher for 20+ years says it’s the perfect environment for an aggressive child.
http://sites.google.com/site/morningglorymontesso ri/Home/the-effects-of-montessori-education


I am going to sit on it for a week and if it continues then I'm terminating. I can't have my 12 month old seriously injured, yes I'm there all the time but all it takes is 2 seconds. We all know our focus can be called away for the needs of the other children.

My DH went #2 in her pants today and I had to line up all the kids on the bottom stair in front of the bathroom to sing songs while I cleaned her up so I could keep my eye on her, so she wasn't alone with the baby! OMG LOL