Advice of how to have a difficult conversation

[Cadillac]

This is a follow-up post to 'When Client/Provider Relationships Go Wrong

Today is the day I make my final decision on whether I will be able to go on with this family.

This week has been wishy-washy. Weird drop-offs that I'm not particularly happy about and normal pick-ups where she is smiley and chatty.


What I want to do is bring up that I was unhappy about the way things went down last week, that I must be treated with respect and discuss anything she would like to discuss so that we can move on.

I want some suggestions on professional ways to bring up this conversation. How would you guys go about it?

Her reaction to this conversation will make my decision on whether to terminate or move on WITH the family.

I'm so nervous!

[Cadillac]

heeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll llllllllllllllllllll lllllllppppppppppppp pppppp . . . . Please?

[Cocoon]

Just remember you are the owner of this business and YOU will run it however you want. And if no one agrees on how you run your business tell them to go and take a cold shower. That will make them realized that this is how you run your business. Don't be nervous you don't need to. She should be posting here saying " omg I think I upset my caregiver what should i do!"

[Cocoon]

To add, she wasn't professional so why should you. Start however you feel like

[Sandbox Sally]

I would say something like,

"Listen, I just want to clear the air here about what happened last week. I got the impression that you were unhappy with me, and I just want to give you the opportunity now to let me know of anything that's bothering you." Let her react in whatever way...

Then something like, (calmly) "ok...I have to be honest and tell you, I felt pretty disrespected when you yelled at me, and it made me very uncomfortable. I'd like to know that nothing like that will ever happen again."

[playfelt]

The fact that you have let the week go by also gives you a way to bring it up saying what Alphagetti posted about feeling disrespected and that you waited a week so that you could approach the issue with less emotion than you were feeling last week. Now that you have had time to think about it you just want to make it clear how things need to be from here on in and why... and then go on to say what you expect, will not tolerate, etc. and that instead of the outburst of a week ago you expect the mother to remain rationale etc.

[Bookworm]

I agree with Alphaghetti. Just calmly ask her if there is anything she would like to talk about regarding what happened last week as you feel there may be some lingering feelings about it on her part. Then tell her how you feel about what happened and that in order for things to continue in a positive way, you need to be respected and that from now on if there is a problem it is handled like an adult or you will no longer be able to provide care for her.

[playfelt]

Do you get the sense that the mom is still harbouring ill feelings or do you think it has blown over in her mind. Guess I am wondering based on how this week has gone, if it is something that needs to be brought up or do you think enough was said last week that you got your point across. She may start to have new concerns if she thinks you were seething all week and didnt' already say something. Just the other side of the situation.

[Cadillac]

playfelt - I think there may still be lingering feelings on her part. She barks at the kids at my house instead of me. for example, this morning I took off the shoes of her 3 year old to get things moving quicker as she was late (and I know that means she's in a hurry). She barked at her child that she should take off her own shoes and to pay attention to what is going on blah blah blah" basically it was a message for me . . . . not for the child.

On my part? I know I have to get it off my chest that what happened was not ok and will never be tolerated again

I think I'm going to mash together what alphaghetti and playfelt said

I'll tell her that I've given it a week to blow over since emotions were running high last week and ask her if there is anything she would like to discuss. then I'll tell her how disrespected I felt and let her know that I can't tolerate it again. I'll also tell her that I know mornings can be hectic but that I need the children to be brought into my house in a positive manner so that they can be set up to have a positive day. and finally, that if I feel her child is too sick to attend then she is not welcomed to attend. I'll suggest that she find a back-up for times like this as well as when I fall ill.

My husband is a little annoyed that I can't just sweep this under the rug but unfortunately I'm not in construction and this attitude is not a part of the daily life of a provider.

You all made me realize that if I don't plan on terminating instantly that I can't let this go unchecked as it WILL happen again. Thanks for the last words of encouragement I really needed it.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I like Alphaghetti suggestion to clear the air ... tell her you've waited for everyone to have time to reflect on last week but feel it needs to be discussed and a plan put in place so it does not happen again - what does she need from YOU and than you tell her what you need from her and move forward if possible or terminate depending on how it goes - and I personally would make it clear that being YELLLED AT in future will result in immediate termination! We are role models to children on proper conflict resolution skills we need to lead by example