When a child does not fit in

[mamaof4]

posting for a member:

Hello,

I have a new baby of 1 years old who started this week and I am not sure if I should give it more time or not. The baby does not yet crawl or walk (motor skill issues), barely eats anything, has to basically bed fed their bottle like a baby in your arms otherwise will not drink it in the high chair. The baby does nap ok. I am thinking I should of accepted a baby a bit older. I would feel bad to let the baby go, but being a new daycare, you get to know the feel of what ages you like and do not like. Any suggestions?

[sunnydays]

I would give it time, especially if the child naps well (that is the most important thing!). I have one like this who is now 14 months and way behind the other two who are close to his age, but I just keep giving him every opportunity to strengthen his legs (no exersaucers, etc) and try to enourage him to do things by himself (finger foods, drinking from a cup etc) and he is improving. He is a sweet little guy and easy going, so for me, it is worth the extra physical work of helping him do things. For me, the investment into a young one is better in the long run, but only you know what you can handle depending on the other kids in your care. Every child develops at a different rate.

[Momof4]

My golden rule is that if the parents are working with me and keeping the child on our daycare schedule on the days the child is home I will keep working with the family to get things on track. Some children fit in on the first day, and others are a real challenge, taking weeks or even months to fit into daycare. If the parents don't help I terminate. But napping is a big issue and if they are on our meal routine and napping routine that's a big plus.

In my daycare there are two 1 year olds, a 2 year old and two 4 year olds, so a huge age range and it's working great for us. It takes a lot of practice. I prefer to start babies as young as possible so I can have them stay with me until JK which means lots less turnover in the daycare.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Yup I would not give up hope at this time - IME for an infant who has never been in daycare those skills are typically 'normal' of an only child ... most parents who only have one child at home have no need to teach their one year old to feed themselves - they enjoy that bonding time of holding and feeding the babe so tend to prolong it as long as possible ... so baby will need a learning curve to master those skills in 'daycare' so in the beginning it is that balance of giving them a chance to 'try' to hold it themselves and feed themselves and coming along behind and 'helping' to make sure they get enough to eat.

Same with crawling or walking ... if a child is not given lots of time to lay on the floor and get motivated to MOVE than they are going to take longer to learn to crawl or walk - however they pick it up fairly quickly once the NEED arises ... so in group care where if they want the rattle that moved out of their way they might either have to WAIT until a diaper is changed or someone else is finished having their needs met so they 'wiggle' and realize that CAN move and get it themselves and then slowly that light bulb of trial and error results in crawling and so forth

I am another one that as long as they are sleeping - everything else will fall into place ... they will eventually eat for you once they 'trust' you so to speak in the meantime it is one of the few things they can control as long as the child is drinking enough not to get dehydrated I would not be concerned at all - just keep offering him food at regular intervals!

How is babes temperament - are they crying all day or at least consolable and able to observe the other kids?

[mom-in-alberta]

I agree that it may be frustrating now..... but that you have the opportunity to "mold" this child, hahaha. My number one hot-button is sleep issues, and if the child is sleeping okay, I am willing to work on everything else.
I say give it a little more time, and start to change the things that you feel need to change. I would also talk gently/ make suggestions to the parents about these things.

[Spixie33]

I had a situation where I had all 2-3 year olds and then suddenly had a 1 year old join us. It had been my 2, 3 year olds for over a year and it was getting pretty easy. We had hit our stride.
When I introduced the baby I also wondered what the heck I was thinking and whether I had made a mistake. The baby (of course) didn't want to play with any of the other kids and needed so much more attention and care compared to the other independent toddlers I had.

The 1 year old really was just not able to do much of anything...couldn't walk, couldn't self feed but I knew that if I hung in there that around 15-18 months it would change.

Now it has been 5 months and the child is 16 months and I am loving it. The 1 year old is interacting with everyone and all the other kids love the baby and she is walking, talking etc and much more interesting to everyone now. Hang in there when the baby gets to 15 months approx and you will see that they will become a bigger part of your daycare.

Good luck

[Inspired by Reggio]

LOL - I think every providers number one hot issue is 'sleeping' ... cause IMO without a 'break 'to recharge ourselves those OTHER issues start to seem insurmountable even when they are indeed 'minor' things in reality ... I do not know about others but I could not do this for 10-12 hours a day without at LEAST a two hour quiet period the majority of days each week ... when I am breaking in a newbie and my quiet time routine is 'shortened' to less than that as a result I get burnt out quickly and my tolerance leash even for 'normal' gets really short before I reach the end of it... and I consider myself a generally very patient person specially with kids!

[apples and bananas]

Yup I would not give up hope at this time - IME for an infant who has never been in daycare those skills are typically 'normal' of an only child ... most parents who only have one child at home have no need to teach their one year old to feed themselves - they enjoy that bonding time of holding and feeding the babe so tend to prolong it as long as possible ...

I agree, I started 2 at the same time, both a year old (2 weeks apart) Child one was an only child, child 2 was a second child. HUGE difference. Child one wasn't holding the bottle, hard time self soothing, needed to be held all the time. Child 2 ate and drank like a champ from day 1, walking, moving around like crazy, very independant. Sleeps for 3 hours at a time (and can sleep through anything)

Baby 1 has been catching up. Not walking yet, but get's around his own way and now holds his bottle. It's a tough couple of weeks to get them into the right habit, but you can't expect them to come ready for the way you run your house.

[Littledragon]

I would give it more time. Most likely, the baby doesn't have an opportunity to PRACTICE these skills at home. He's probably carried everywhere and his parents are probably still bottle feeding him because they want to, not because they have to. If you feel like you don't have the time, patience, expertise - whatever, to be able to put a little more engery into this little boy then you could let him go. Because that is what you'll have to do. Within some time, he will learn to follow the others, he will learn to crawl, stand, eat and so on. My son stood the fist week my older charge was here just because he wanted to follow along. Your little man just needs to opportunity to be TAUGHT these things. To be given the OPPORTUNITY to learn these things. HOWEVER, it will take a little more energy and time on your part. It's not a bad thing if you decide you don't have that to give at this point. Being a new daycare is HARD, lol, I hear you on that! If you don't think this little boy is a good fit, or you don't want to spend the extra time, then let him go. There are plenty of places he can go, so don't feel guilty. However, if you decide to keep him, it won't be long before he is moving along with the others. You just need to be patient and consistant. Perhaps even mention to the parents that he should AT LEAST be crawling by now and that he should see a Dr. just as a precaution.
I feel like I'm sounding like I'm telling you you're a bad person if you don't keep him lol but you're not. It's all about YOU and YOUR daycare. You're running a BUSINESS. If you don't feel like you want/can do it, then don't. If I've learned anything from my little man, that is that you need to be careful in who you choose for your daycare. After all, we're only human and can only do what we can do.