Screaming/crying infant- How to make parents realise the problem is serious?

[teddybeartots]

I have just started my in home daycare. It has been 2 weeks of full time care for a 1 yr old. The dck has transitioned for a few months, with play dates etc. I have an 18 mos old myself who is very outgoing and loves to play with others (my second child). This dck is soooo sensitive (an only child) that cries so much, her face goes purple and she is losing her breath.....Something as small as my son passing by can send her into hysteria. I brought out bubbles today, she FREAKED. I talked to her mom about holding her constantly and encouraging the little one to be more mobile (shes crawling) and having opportunity to independently play. I am realistic about transitioning and by no means am I going to throw in the towel yet, But! I will have 2 more children in my care starting next month and fear that this child I have now, will require even more reassurance. It has interfered with our activities because she requires soo much assurance and cuddling, that my son is feeling the brunt. I dont know what else I should do, and I refuse to hold her all the time. Bring it up to the parents in a more serious way? Im not confident they really understand how her behaviour effects our day. I have suggested tips/advice, but its been a week and no change. I dont feel like she is still transitioning, I feel like her cries are more like screaming because shes frustrated (while holding her arms out) because I am not holding her.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have been there so I feel for you! I would suggest lots of playing on the floor with her and your son and you beside them. In time she will become comfortable in your home and over the next week or two you can increase your space between you and her and work up to you leaving the room and hopefully she doesn't scream!!

[teddybeartots]

Attachment parenting is soooo hard on babies and caregivers. The poor kid doesnt understand why Im not picking her up.

She has made great strides since she has been in our home. Like she doesnt cry when mom drops her off, shes learning to sleep longer in her crib, and shes gaining her assertiveness with my invasive little guy lol

So, there is hope. I guess I just want to know if there is anything the parents could be doing as well? I suggested widening the gap between parent and child; encouraging her to crawl if she wants to be where parent is (obviously within reasonable distance). Less baby on hip action + reassuring her without picking her up. Any other suggestions on what I could say?

[Daycare123]

I feel like parents don't understand how hard it is on the provider and other children when a child cries all day. I had to terminate a care contract last month because after about 6 weeks the little girl I was transitioning was still crying all day. I hope things start to improve for you!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Attachment parenting is soooo hard on babies and caregivers. The poor kid doesnt understand why Im not picking her up.

She has made great strides since she has been in our home. Like she doesnt cry when mom drops her off, shes learning to sleep longer in her crib, and shes gaining her assertiveness with my invasive little guy lol

So, there is hope. I guess I just want to know if there is anything the parents could be doing as well? I suggested widening the gap between parent and child; encouraging her to crawl if she wants to be where parent is (obviously within reasonable distance). Less baby on hip action + reassuring her without picking her up. Any other suggestions on what I could say?

I would stress to the parents how important it is for them to do what you have suggested or it will just make it that much harder when the 2 new ones start. Let them know that these suggestions will greatly benefit her when she is in dc. I would also mention that if she doesn't adjust to dc within a reasonable amount of time, they will have to find a dc that is a better fit for her.

[teddybeartots]

Thank you everyone! I spoke with my agency and I have decided I am going to give this till the end of the month. But honestly, I feel like I have done all I can and this will only be more heartbreaking for the child as more kids arrive. But! I am dedicated to the end of the month. we will see! This child has also had months of transitioning between my home and theirs so it is not a transition problem; its a self soothing one. I have spoken with the parents already and I sense that their attachment parenting might be a tough egg to crack. stay tuned! lol

[gravy_train]

Good for you, teddybeartots! I had a dck who took about 6 months to transition and she never really got over the crying. She ended up leaving my care for a centre when she was almost 2. She was my first dck so I didn't really have a point of reference but looking back I probably would have terminated care within a few months. There were days when I was literally shaking at the end because of her high pitched screaming and crying.
Good luck and keep us posted!

[Lee-Bee]

[QUOTE=teddybeartots; 63452]Attachment parenting is soooo hard on babies and caregivers. The poor kid doesnt understand why Im not picking her up.


I believe that it is more than just AP though...I think certain personalities mixed with AP can make it really hard for some kids to transition. I have 2 AP children here from pretty hard core AP homes and while both are crappy sleepers they are amazing kids. One took some time to settle but was never extreme. The other arrived and from day one and barely let out a whimper. This child had never been left anywhere with anyone but mom. This child couldn't even stand with help at 12months because the child was held so much. Within weeks the child was pulling up everywhere and finger walking. I do notice AP families suck for naps :-) But I can deal with that. I do find that my AP kids are very confident, happy well adjusted kids here in care...now when parents arrive things certainly change :-)

I am pretty sure it is largely due to personality. Hopefully your little one does adjust and becomes a laid back easy going child. There is always the chance that when the others start this child will have more distractions and will keep busy easier? It can be hard to picture now...but hopefully!

[Artsand crafts]

I follow some of AP philosophy, but I prefer to take on families that do not do AP. IMO, real AP can only be followed by stay at home moms or families that hire nannies willing to follow this approach. How hard it should be for a child going from be worn most of the day by parents, falling sleep with parents every time, and not let them cio at all to group care where they have to be able to stay on their own, self soothe when going to sleep, and be able to wait until the provider is available and not run to the child after every whim.

Even I stay at home, I could only partially follow AP since I had to prepare my son to share mom time with others. I wore him even during daycare hours sometimes until about 1yo, but I prepared him to self soothe to sleep and play by-himself too before I re-opened. I also let him cio sometimes and taught him to wait.

On the other hand, it sometimes has to do with the child's personality. In June I took on a girl that was strongly AP (I don't follow AP with dck, only with my own, but l am closer to all of them when they start since I empathize with them on how scared they must be the first days). Well this girl adapted very well very fast. Even for nap time she got it in about a week.

[teddybeartots]

Im so torn. While she has only been here for 2 weeks, she has made big strides (sleeping in the crib for longer, getting used to other children around)...but her constant need for reassurance really worries me when Im going to have 5 kids in my care. Should I wait until the other kids come and see how she does? I was going to give the parents another 3 weeks (for a total of 5 weeks of their child in my care) to see if things could turn around. Does this seem fair? Or should I wait? Gah, this is stressful.