Feeling used and not appreciated..

[Rose1]

I had some clients for 6 years with me,first child,then second.They went through many different stages of their lives during those years.
Second child is due to go to school this fall and they share custody of him.
One day dad came to pick him up and said this is his last day to bring a child to day care,his ex will continue with her schedule only.His ex called me to say how surprised she was when she heard that news and how selfish he always was..I said,'that did not touch me very much,knowing who I deal with and knowing people and what they are capable of'.. After that she is not contacting me anymore...Had not even have decency to tell me that the child will not be coming anymore,which I would not mind at all.This way I feel so disrespected and used.Then I think,"it is not my fault,it is their selfish personality and bad manners fault"
If I knew the child would not be here during the summer,I could have found a replacement,now I am also stuck and who knows when a next opportunity will show up...It is not like kids are just waiting around the corner for next opening.
I am thinking how low people can be,after all those years of taking care of their children,changing their diapers,wiping their noses,teaching them every day...They probably think-they paid and that was it!!! I can't believe that people close the door just like that.It is like they do not plan to see you ever again,and if they do they will not be ashamed of their actions at all. It is for them all about money.If they only knew how little this job is paid for what we go through with their children and then with them too.I could now go on and on,but there is no point.I hope to learn something from this experience and not let it happen again for whatever reasons.
Have you ever had similar experience?Please share.

[Van]

When parents are going through their own issues it can have a ripple effect on us with short notice or no notice, so best to just leave it as a live a learn situation and move on to the next family with no issues.

[Rose1]

Thank you!I am ok now,though it was a shock at the moment.
I will definitely change some things around

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Try not to take it personally. While it hard not to think of these children as family, they are client. Client will always leave when your service no longer suit their requirements. If they have new baby, if they move away, if they get new job with hours you not open - it business not personal.

Along those lines, in order for client to treat you like a business, you need to behave like a professional business.

I do understand your hurt but I see nothing in your post about required notice not being given. Or contract being broken.

With due respect, I wonder if maybe you not have a contract. And therefore this viewed by parent as community babysitter on casual basis which why they so casual about ending care. While a contract would not have stopped them from ending care when your service no longer suit them, it would have given you time to replace the child and the income. Maybe going forward, you thank them for the opportunity to review what went wrong, what you could learn from it, and take steps that new person comes in under those review. If you can try and see this as purely business, then maybe it not hurt so deep.

[Peacefulbird]

It is unfortunate to have this kind of experience; but, as mentioned before, while there are legal contracts signed and a service-monetary exchange it is purely business.

But, somewhere along this lines; we caregivers know that for us is not just matter of business, we get involved emotionally we grow and support with each child that passes through our lives and also with their families.

In cases like the one that took you by surprise; you must learn to turn to your own and you'll see how blessed and fortunate you are, feel happy that, life did not choose you to hurt others as this family did to you (imagine all the pain and frustration they're going through).

Don't take it personally; I think there are people that cannot handle this kind of situations properly or at least weren't ready for their lives to fall apart.

It is true; in gratefulness to the many years you've helped and supported this family, they at least could have had the decency of letting you know in advance but that is life, sometimes it throws you a bad hand when you weren't expecting it.

If you believe in kindness and humanity then also, believe that life gives you wonderful unexpected surprices.

[Rose1]

Peacefulbird,I am doing exactly that.Trying to see every possible positive outcome whenever something inconvenient happens.
I am also trying to be as professional as can be,also have my web site,contracts etc...But,sometimes people get in somehow and it is so hard to treat them as other clients,for whatever reason it could be.
Sometimes,you know those people through somebody who is related to you in some way,and in those cases they sometimes do not take the business as other clients who come in day care regular way...
This is definitely not easy job,you not only have to deal with little children and they everyday children issues,but you also have to deal with their parents and their everyday issues,moods and such...That part is much harder for me than dealing with children.

[Rose1]

And even though this is a hard job and takes lots of patience I still enjoy working with little children.As you all know,somedays can be stressfull,but most of the days can be fun and interesting.
Only,if parents could be more understanding and appreaciate a little more what we do for their children.Honestly,th at is all I need.

[littlefish]

I had this happening all the time, over the years I learned no to take it personally, clients come and go and they love to always leave hurting us, in my years in the business with many clients only one or two behave perfectly until the end the rest always find a way to make you feel you didn't perform a good job underneath all that is their own insecurities and jealousy, they need us to take care of their little ones but deeply they don't like it, specially if you are doing everything right for me always is their issues not mine, I do 100% and at the end I tell myself what a great job I have done, I had a client who behaved so low with me toward the ending, I stood calmly until the child's last day on her last day mom came to me with a guilt on her eyes, with tears in her eyes, with presents that showed me, she realized how she mistreated me over the year and I was nice to her and she and the child left see they're the ones who feel bad and if they don't realized it at the moment some day life will teach them to appreciate others and they will remembered oh I remembered I mistreated somebody in the past either they fixed themselves or carry baggages in their hearts. Rose1 keep your head high you're doing a wonderful job with the children don't forget, don't let others put you down. happy day!

[Rose1]

Thank you littlefish,I appreaciate your words very much!!
It feels good to hear it from somebody like yourself who went through the similar stuff I
have and to get encouragement from people who do the same line of work like I do.
I know everything is very much like that,and I am not hurt at all now,over the years of doing this job and dealing with all kinds of people I learnt a lot,but still does not feel good when you get surprises like this one
I had many people from different backgrounds going through my home and had my doors open for them and their children,like you said only a few true families stayed in our lives and on our contact list.
Most of the parents just think paying for day care is a rip off meant for most of the parents before their children start with regular school
Nobody thinks that their children are in day care for at least 8 hours every day and how much service they require during those hours,not to mention,cost of the food,damaging somebodies place and toys which have to be replaced on regular basis and are not cheap at all,and so on....
I tried once to explain to some people who started to complain about cost of the day care with simple example: you go to a restaurant,hair stylist,do your nails,do facial or anything in that context,and sometimes you are not even happy with the results,but you have to pay big time to a person who provided her two hours for you and plus tax and plus tip- does not matter if you liked it or not you need to pay..
Nobody is complaining about paying any of those because those services make people happy,but when we need to work hard to make their children happy,guide and teach them, keep them safe and entairtained during the whole and every day nobody appreaciates it very much...
i would not like to take those facts personally,but when you try to do your best,you do get hurt when you see unappreaciation around you

[betsy]

It is unfortunate to have this kind of experience; but, as mentioned before, while there are legal contracts signed and a service-monetary exchange it is purely business.

But, somewhere along this lines; we caregivers know that for us is not just matter of business, we get involved emotionally we grow and support with each child that passes through our lives and also with their families.

In cases like the one that took you by surprise; you must learn to turn to your own and you'll see how blessed and fortunate you are, feel happy that, life did not choose you to hurt others as this family did to you (imagine all the pain and frustration they're going through).

Don't take it personally; I think there are people that cannot handle this kind of situations properly or at least weren't ready for their lives to fall apart.

It is true; in gratefulness to the many years you've helped and supported this family, they at least could have had the decency of letting you know in advance but that is life, sometimes it throws you a bad hand when you weren't expecting it.

If you believe in kindness and humanity then also, believe that life gives you wonderful unexpected surprices.

That's a very heart-warming response.